You're too old! You wouldn't understand.

I'm not the stupid one (but why not?). I'm not the impulsive one (but definitely would enjoy that). I am possibly the drinking one...but not the one who lets it control him. I'm the "mature one." The "King of Long Term relationships" (that's a direct quote). The hopeless romantic (or I try to be). But why can't I be the stupid one? The immature teenager, the one who sings along to his favourite musical even though there are people around who have never met him before!



The problem is though that when I think about being those things I don't necessarily like them...is it possible to sometimes be all those stupid things but still be the same sensible fun person I really want to be? Well the other night with the help of some of the most awesome people ever I think I succeeded. Actually I think we all succeeded.


First of all; You are amazing, you stick by me no matter what! For some reason, i don't even know why, i trust you more then anyone around me. You laugh at my ridiculous behaviour and you make me feel important. If I ever get annoyed at you, which I'm sorry to say has happened before, it isn't long before I'm kicking myself stupid for ever thinking negatively of you. I give you full permission if I'm ever being stupid or silly, as I was a little earlier this year, for you to hit me and tell me. I will always be your loyal wingman! What I'm basically trying to say is that I will always stick by you! I know things sometimes seem like they aren't going your way but no matter what's happening in your life I'll always metaphorically kick you in the backside towards the cute boy at the party and listen to everything you have to say!


AND YOU! You you wonderful girl! The one person in this country I've been friends with longer then anyone. To you I have 1 question, Why aren't we better friends? I love it when we reminisce, all our little stories that only ever make sense to each other! Times I spend with you are filled with smiles and laughter, I'm definitely making sure that we become closer! I don't have enough to say about you and that sucks greatly.



I want to jump over the fire!



That sums up how I want to live at this moment in my life! Adrenaline rushes and stupid choices because yes, I'm "too young to understand." But your too old to remember! And while that sounds silly we really need to think about it, you might give advice to the 7 year old who is acting stupid but can you REALLY remember what it was like to be 7? Running down the hill at top speed even though you may well die if you loose your footing even once was FUN! And that's it, you may not remember but our stupid decisions are fun! Occasionally we might even learn for them and then in 30 years we can say "Your too young to understand," in fact I'll definitely say it!



Monday night was fun, but it wouldn't have been without the wonderful friends I went with. Thank you for sticking by me! Your amazing, and 1 of you owes me now so don't you forget!


Basically acting stupid is helping me through tough times in my life and I don't see anything wrong with that. But as soon as I start acting stupid and I'm not me any more then I'll have something to worry about.



Also I reckon I made a good pillow!

Headspaces, I don't understand them and how they change my life.

The person writing this blog is not the same person that he was 6 months ago. If someone was to ask me who I was i'd feel obliged to quote "I don't know yet, I'm still cooking" (Doctor Who The Eleventh Hour).

Don't get me wrong, I've known I was changing for most of the year and quite frankly I've been embracing it with open arms! The useless, lost, lacklustre and boring person I was is evolving into the person I think inside I have always been. A teacher, who's opinion I really care about told me that they were proud of me because "I no longer get angry at stupid people."

Boy do I still get angry at stupid people! There is nothing that really drives me up the wall then someone pointing out the blatantly obvious and then saying something about it that is completely wrong! But I'm beginning to understand that in order to maintain order and peace in my life I have to sometimes accept that.

As such I'm going slightly mad, a state of conciousness that I'm actually enjoying. This madness has changed my life, in many good ways and one really really bad way.


The unfortunate thing about change is when things don't change with you,my changes have made me lose my feelings for someone very close to me and i had to make the decision to do what I thought was right by me.
Why do I feel like a monster? Simple answer is because what I did was monstrous. Even if I was making a correct decision for myself how could i knowingly cause so much pain to someone I knew it would hurt?


This was the first big change that my new outlook on life has brought about and frankly after it I'm finding it damn difficult to even like myself now let alone love myself.

I love those friends who never give up on me.
You make me feel special and are all I need.
I will learn to enjoy the person I am becoming as soon as I've finished cooking, for now I sign out a monster.