The person writing this blog is not the same person that he was 6 months ago. If someone was to ask me who I was i'd feel obliged to quote "I don't know yet, I'm still cooking" (Doctor Who The Eleventh Hour).
Don't get me wrong, I've known I was changing for most of the year and quite frankly I've been embracing it with open arms! The useless, lost, lacklustre and boring person I was is evolving into the person I think inside I have always been. A teacher, who's opinion I really care about told me that they were proud of me because "I no longer get angry at stupid people."
Boy do I still get angry at stupid people! There is nothing that really drives me up the wall then someone pointing out the blatantly obvious and then saying something about it that is completely wrong! But I'm beginning to understand that in order to maintain order and peace in my life I have to sometimes accept that.
As such I'm going slightly mad, a state of conciousness that I'm actually enjoying. This madness has changed my life, in many good ways and one really really bad way.
The unfortunate thing about change is when things don't change with you,my changes have made me lose my feelings for someone very close to me and i had to make the decision to do what I thought was right by me.
Why do I feel like a monster? Simple answer is because what I did was monstrous. Even if I was making a correct decision for myself how could i knowingly cause so much pain to someone I knew it would hurt?
This was the first big change that my new outlook on life has brought about and frankly after it I'm finding it damn difficult to even like myself now let alone love myself.
I love those friends who never give up on me.
You make me feel special and are all I need.
I will learn to enjoy the person I am becoming as soon as I've finished cooking, for now I sign out a monster.
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