Is this how we learn?

What was I meant to do? Don't leave them alone...Is shock that powerful? And is it really that helpful to stay close to someone who still not going to talk to you anyway?


Don't get me wrong I don't have a bad relationship with any member of my family. I love each and every one of them! They are my family and the only people who are constantly stuck with me. But that doesn't mean I'm necessarily ACTUALLY close to them! Especially my dad, I'm not close with my dad and quite frankly that's upsetting, but I came to terms with that suck a long time ago!


So what does this mean? When someone who is this close to you, but not close at all, suffers; what can you do? How much can you help?


These last two weeks have been wonderful! I've grown so close to the people who really matter and care about me! I don't know what I've ever done to deserve the care that these wonderful people all give me. I just hope I don't screw it up. Most importantly about these last two weeks they've helped dispel the feelings that I am a horrible person. MY faith in myself has grown again and that person that I really like is continuing to emerge, more and more with every day. Thank you, once again to those people who care about me, I will always strive to show that same care and compassion for you.




And now this, I made a poor decision, I didn't stick by someone who needed it. This does not bother me as much as it probably should, because the person who made the decision to leave is the person I am rapidly shedding. I won't ever make that mistake again. To be there, for those who need you to be, that is the most important thing.






Is it bad that I, more then occasionally, place my friends above my family? Looking back, in wonderful hindsight, I realise that if it had been someone else, say A or C or A (I hope they know who they are), I would've stuck by them. I would've cancelled everything to ensure their well-being. Am I so accustomed to my father that I just don't think that he can hurt? Or that he can need my help?


My family are important to me, but I exist happily independent of them. Is that even possible? They are a huge part of my life but I could survive if anything caused me to be away from them. If I had realised this at an earlier time in my life i would've have been upset about it. For now I can only accept it, this is a relationship that is set and I will live with it.

I will do better next time. No matter who it is.