So here's the deal. For the first time in a long time i'm feeling unbelievably shit about myself. I've been wanting to return to blogger for a while now and it has always helped me sort things out in my head before and hopefully now it can do it again. Even better is the fact that when i am on blogger i feel like i can't be angsty and ranty because no one really wants to read that because it just makes you all sad as well. So if i try to work all this out in blog form i can try and keep a positive spin on the whole thing.
My parents today sat me down for a "talk", i instantly assumed it was something bad got a bit of a panicked look on my face and made a few "oh dear what have i done?" jokes. They assured me that i'd done nothing wrong and that they just wanted to chat about what was going to happen now that their first child was going to uni. Long story short the conversation eventually boiled down to my being a lazy good for nothing and i lucky that they didn't make me pay board. (Yea...nothing bad my ass parents)
The outcome of this conversation is that I've come to realize that i simply really dislike the way the house and family that i live in are run. Don't get me wrong i love my family to bits, sure we have our disagreements but doesn't every family? But despite this i just can't help noticing that we just don't live well together. My father is really old fashioned and it's slowly becoming clearer to me that he just fails to comprehend the decade we live in. The gem from todays conversation was him tell me that "this isn't a holiday". Really Dad? Cause here's the thing...i just finished high school...i got into the course i wanted...just because YOU don't have a holiday i don't think that means that i don't deserve the fucking break that this system sets aside for us before we start uni. Is it just me or does that make sense?
Despite the fact that are being completely irrational my parents still have the ability to make me feel completely awful about myself and personally...at this moment in my life...i REALLY don't need that. My front is shattered...my arrrogance is out the window.
I will fail....i need to reconsider my life. Most importantly, by the end of this year, i need to move out. I love my family and my family love me but us living together is simply a toxic situation.
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